A lot of your problems stem from either you not having high enough standards for yourself, or you expecting too much out of people.
This might be a hard concept for a lot of you to realize or even understand.
Now when I talk about high standards. I am not talking about standards of others. I am talking about the standards that you set upon yourself. You cannot have high standards for those around you. Yet have lower standards for yourself.
If you are one of those that holds others to a higher standard than you hold yourself. You are wrong, and you will quickly been seen this way. You will be seen as a poor leader. You will be seen as a hypocrite. You will be seen setting others up for failure. Which will invoke negative actions and behaviors from those around you that you have placed these standards on.
Now. If you are holding yourself to the same high standards as you hold others, or your standards for yourself are even higher yet. Others will view you in a better light than just seeing you imposing your will or standards on others that you don't hold yourself to.
At the same time. If you are holding others to high standards, and you expect them to hit those high standards. AND you aren't holding yourself to the same standards or expectations.
This will immediately create dissension in your organization. Your group will see this as being unfair and unjust. They will buck everything you ask them to do.
***This type of information is transferable in business and your professional life. As well as your personal life. With friends and family.***
One thing that I learned in the Marine Corps is never expect, but inspect.
Meaning. Never expect someone to do something for you. However, it is advisable to look into the progress to make sure things are going the way you would like them.
We all have different mindsets and place value on different things. No matter how well you explain or communication your tasks and demands.
So in your professional life. If you are expecting someone to get their job done, and you don't have any supervision on them. They won't get it done in time. Even though you told them a dead line, and explained how important this may be. If it's not important to them, it won't be important at all.
In your personal life. If you are expecting your friends, or loved ones to pick up on the emotions you are trying to display. If you are hoping they will sense that you are unhappy, or cross, or mad, or whatever emotion you want them to see. If you don't communicate (with words) what is going on. No one will notice. Don't expect that they will or should just because they "love you." We all have things in our lives that are 'important' to us, and that's what we are focusing on.
What I am saying here is. Don't place false expectations on someone. Don't expect someone to care about the same things like you do. Don't expect them to be in tune with your feelings 24/7. Don't expect them to put your needs above their own.
If you are placing high expectations on someone, coupled with your high standards. You will very quickly see people leaving your circle of friendship and influence. Or the ones that remain there will be bitter, and negative. Which will bring everyone down.
You can have high standards for someone. Just as long as the standards you place on yourself is the same or higher. Just so you are aware that you cannot.... I repeat CANNOT place high expectations as well.
The only expectations you have is that they will fail, and not meet your standards (and that is fine). You need to be able to coach them through it. To be empathetic and sympathetic towards their situation, but at the same time make it known you are not going to lift the standards just because they aren't meeting them. Be strong, stand firm in your standards. Don't drop them for anyone. Rather, work on helping bring them up to the standards.
Create these boundaries right away. As soon as you can. If you already have a situation that is out of control. It is completely ok to start having high standards now, and work on meeting them. That adds more communication to what you are aiming for, and let the other party know that this is the boundary and standard going forward. Make it known that they are not expected to meet or exceed this standard, but that you both work towards meeting it, and making that standard the new baseline.