What is Self-esteem?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary explains it as: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself : SELF-RESPECT
Katt Williams said it best on his standup "The Pimp Chronicles pt. 1"
"Bitches need to stop blaming all your problems on us. Stop tellin' a nigga,"You f***ed up my self-esteem". Bitch it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your mothaf***in' self. How am I gonna f*** up how you feel about you simple bitch?"
Katt is talking about woman in this quote, but I feel the over arching theme applies to each and everyone of us. Don't you think?
How, and more importantly. Why. Are you letting someone else change your mental state. It really is just a tactic to make them feel better about themselves. It really have nothing else to do with you other than that fact. Those people are projecting their insecurities onto you.
Yet you. Like so many of us. Take it to heart. Our emotional state takes over, and we start to over analyze the comment or the actions displayed towards us.
We let someone else setup camp in our minds. They are taking up space and paying no rent.
Why do we do this?
Deep down we want to be liked. Simple as that. Yes there are chemical reactions going off in our body, But when you push aside all the mumbo-jumbo. We really don't want people to hate us.
You might be one of those people reading this thinking " I don't give a shit about other people." or "I don't care what they think about me." or "I hate people."
That's all fine and dandy. and yes that all sounds nice on the outside, but you aren't fooling anyone.
The negative thoughts, emotions, words that are spoken to you hurt. Because you actually do care. Because our species is a pack animal.
I can't fix that. I can't magically make you not feel anything and not care. That is human nature and we are all stuck with it.
So what do you do then?
Well you learn to deal.
Since now you know that you can't get rid of this emotion or reaction. You can work on getting through it faster. So that you can get back to being the amazing person you are destined to be.
This reaction is all in your head. Really it is. You don't actually suck as a person. You aren't really a piece of shit.
Those are just words said and used to again make the other person feel better about themselves because they are having a bad day.
The way you get beyond this is through mental preparation. Through anchoring positive emotions, feelings, and attitudes onto yourself to be able to call upon whenever needed.
The cool thing about that is. You're not just limited to using these anchors for when you feel bad. You can use them for all sorts of things. To feel more positive, to have more energy, to remember things better, etc.
This is a very simple technique that will take work to be good at. Just like anything else you need to practice. In sports to be good at any sport you need to practice that sport. To get good at math you need to practice math. To be good at reading you need to read. Plain and simple.
Here what we are doing is thinking about a time (just one time) in your life that you felt the most positive about yourself. Where your self-esteem was the highest.
Do you have that scene in your mind. Now remember every little detail about it. Remember how you felt, what you were wearing. What it smelt like that day, what type of day was it. Who was around you. What colors are there, what sounds. Remember absolutely everything. Especially how you feel and why you feel that way.
Maybe you were just asked out by your crush. Your significant other proposed to you. You won the big game. You wrote and published your first book. You accomplished something that took you months to do.
Whatever the case may be. Remember it. Feel it. Feel it like you are there. Like you are reliving that moment right now.
NOW with your non-dominate hand. Take your thumb and press on the middle knuckle on your middle finger, and let go.
That's called an anchor. You have just anchored that emotion to that point on your body. So now you can recall that feeling every time and have that feeling over take you.
The only thing is. You just did it once.
Do you think Michael Jordan became the best basketball player to ever play the game because you shot one jump shot and called it a day? NO! He practiced that jump shot probably millions of times.
So to do you need to practice. Do this exercise about 5 times in a row. Between each time think of your phone number and social security number backwards. This flushes the feeling out of your body so you can start fresh again. You want to start fresh every time.
The more you do this. The more the feeling will be anchored and the deeper connection you will have.
So when someone is trying to ruin your self-esteem because they are feeling shitty about themselves. Just sit there and say "no worries bud. Do what you need to. I know me. I love me, and when you are done I'm going to get back to that feeling and rock my day."